At some level most of us have imposter syndrome. What does it cost us and the organisations we work for? Jess Pawley and Jo Walley will be exploring the problem and possible solutions on the second day of CILIP Conference 2023 on 12-13 July. Here they talk to Rob Mackinlay about some of the themes that are likely to arise.

 

Difficult topics for individuals and institutions are raised in this Q&A ahead of a Conference 2023 panel on developing yourself as a leader and overcoming imposter syndrome.

For example, is there a difference between leadership and confidence? Can you only be a leader if you already have confidence? Jess Pawley, who will chair the panel, believes some in the sector are too quick to sideline those who don’t have the confidence or support to follow their ambitions. Jess, who was joint CILIP Mentor of the Year 2022, and Knowledge and Evidence Specialist at Somerset NHS Foundation Trust, describes her own struggles and how having peer support and a mentor has helped her.

She will be joined on the panel by leadership coach Jo Walley who says everyone has imposter syndrome, but the impact it has on us at different times and in different circumstances depends on our personal resilience.

Why are you interested in imposter syndrome and why is it a topic for conference?

Jess Pawley – The timing of the conference, and my being asked to chair a session on imposter syndrome and leadership, is particularly apt.

I have always struggled with low self-confidence and am only now really addressing and challenging some of the barriers I’ve met along the way. I may be able to present a piece of work I have been doing, but ask me to speak positively about myself, either personally or professionally, and I can’t do it. I struggle to receive compliments and am likely to search for a negative meaning rather than a positive, in someone’s words.

I have also seen others have their confidence tested within the workplace. One of the main reasons I mentor is because I enjoy helping people discover and learn about themselves. I will always make myself available to support others because I know first-hand how debilitating a lack of confidence can be.

I was pleased to see this on the agenda for the conference, however I am not sure if I can conclude whether this is a result of leaders being better educated in this area. I do think the pandemic has exposed gaps. The question remains around whether you must be a manager in order to be thought of as a leader. We need to move away from this because it can stifle creativity across the board and can result in managers without confidence in their leadership skills.

How does confidence relate to leadership?

JP – I believe that low self-confidence can be held against someone, to tell them they are unsuitable for/incapable of something. This becomes a cycle, which can reinforce negative beliefs and thus halt career progression.

Until fairly recently within my career, I had been actively discouraged from seeking progression, and certainly from any development into management roles. Management and leadership were always displayed to me as intrinsically linked. Last year, I completed the NHS Mary Seacole Leadership Pro-gramme, an opportunity I would previously not have had, which helped me to reframe this viewpoint.

I feel it is important not to let one person’s view of what a leader looks like, shape your view of yourself. Which is something I did for far too long.

Are these issues any different in the library and information profession than in others?

JP – Within the profession, I feel that we “gatekeep” – actively preventing others from developing because they do not meet some preconceived idea of what a leader looks like. I once mentored someone who was subsequently advised not to pursue fellowship because they hadn’t made “that much” of a contribution to the profession. We should not be stopping people before they even get started. I have also witnessed the phenomenon of the “culture of the individual,” where one per-son’s development, interests and needs are put above those of the rest of the team and that of the service, to its detriment. This is not leadership. And nor is it sustainable.

Equally, within my sector of healthcare, we have a skills gap, particularly around proficiency in evidence searching, and this is something I feel should be addressed as a priority – too often we are recruiting into senior positions people who do not hold these skills, a lot of the time through no fault of their own, and this can impact on their confidence in and their ability to do the role we need them to do.

How did you find the confidence to tackle a lack of confidence?

JP – Since the pandemic, I have discovered about myself that I am capable of more than I was once led to believe. I can clearly remember a moment around May 2020, starting a secondment position for NHS England, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and then, a sharp moment of clarity – for the first time, there was no one there to tell me I couldn’t do it.

I am also extremely lucky to have a support network. Not least is the support of someone I call a mentor and a friend, someone who listened to me over a cup of coffee blurt out some deeply held negative beliefs about myself and who continues to support and guide me and help me challenge myself. This person states that their role in my development is entirely incidental. I disagree.

Has covid and hybrid working increased problems of personal and professional confidence?

JP – For me, I have learned that I cannot spend all day, every day, working from home, as it proves a challenge to my mental wellbeing. I miss the interaction of face-to-face, in-person meetings, although I understand these are not always feasible or practical. One advantage of hybrid working has been to connect with people we may not previously have had the chance to work with, to explore new ideas and to embrace opportunities in new and creative ways. I have a great deal of autonomy in my role, which is supported by hybrid working. This, in turn, has led to greater confidence in how I approach my work. I have started to learn coping strategies for when I feel the isolation and (largely self-imposed) pressure get to me, which can be a difficult strength to master but one which is essential when we are working away from others.

Could you describe what you see as the best solutions on offer?

JP – Peer support. A mentor who is senior to you, for example a manager but perhaps someone outside of your field or outside of the profession, to offer an impartial view. Access to leadership courses. For it to be widely recognised that not everyone has necessarily had the same access to opportunities, the same access to support and that personal struggles with confidence are okay and not something to be tutted at and deemed a hindrance.

What are the main challenges for people to access them?

JP – That it’s okay to fail, that it’s okay to ask for help – that making mistakes is how we learn. It can sometimes take a lot to ask for help and people shouldn’t be prevented from doing so. I think sometimes it can feel as though there is no one to talk to.

What would you like to achieve at conference

JP – The opportunity to address within myself some of the issues I have described above. I am also looking forward to the discussions around knowledge management and particularly data/AI, as we continue to learn more about the impact of this on our profession and how we can adapt to and learn from it.

What is your experience of imposter syndrome?

Jo Walley – Imposter syndrome is something that I have recognised in myself all my life; it hinders us from being our true selves. My work is about being your true self and about the choices that you positively choose to make, rather than what the imposter might hold you back from. You can’t really get rid of the imposter (sorry to break the bad news!), and that’s part of what the conference session will cover. But it’s about being aware of it, recognising it, and then making sure that you make a more conscious choice. Would you choose to feel sad, or would you choose to feel happy?

I help people when they are noticing that their behaviours are holding them back, or there’s some-thing important in their life that they are not prioritising – basically when they just don’t quite feel themselves. My focus is on accepting the imposter will always be there but not to give it too much energy. What does the true-you want?

Can you give an example of imposter syndrome in your life?

JW – One key example of when I experienced imposter syndrome was CILIP Cymru Wales inviting me to do their conference keynote back in 2018. The conference was all about confidence and they wanted a keynote on imposter syndrome.

At the time I was running courses and workshops and coaching people, which is why they invited me to deliver the keynote. But when I got the email I thought they’d got the wrong person. I let the email sit there for a minute and then realised the irony of the imposter in me thinking: “Who are you to be giving a conference keynote on imposter syndrome? What do you know about it? Why are they asking you? What have you got to say on this topic?”

Luckily, I recognised that and contacted them and said, “yes, I’d love to do it”. And that became part of what I shared in the keynote session.

Is it a big problem?

JW – We usually think the people who are standing at the front, on the stage don’t have an impost-er telling them they’re not good enough. But hand on heart, I’ve never yet spoken to anyone who has said, “oh no, I don’t know what you’re on about”. I realised that it was important for all of us to tell our stories more, so that people don’t ever imagine that it’s just them.

And that’s what the imposter likes to do, to make out that it’s just you and that everyone else is really competent. I’m here to try and bust that myth.

Is there a difference between professional confidence and personal confidence?

JW – There might be behaviours and things that you would like to be different about who you are in the workplace, but fundamentally who you are in the workplace is not a separate person to who you are in the rest of your life .

The work that I do with people helps them identify those behaviours, not just in a professional context, but in their life in general. That then gives the experience and tools to use across their life be-cause the more confident you are in one area, the more it can help you in another.

It’s surprisingly common in a professional context to feel we’re not competent enough or we might get “found out”. Not so often among family and friends, but we do often think I’m not ‘X’ enough – not fun enough, not relaxed enough, not sensible enough, and these can be completely contradict-tory as well. There’s no logic to them. So yeah, it does happen across all areas of life, but helping to recognise that and choose more consciously in one area of your life will really help the other areas of your life too.

How does it relate to leadership?

JW – I have never had any desire to be a manager, but I often find myself drawn to leadership positions and leadership roles. I’ve just used the word position, but it’s not just about that. It’s about leading projects, leading change or leading by example too – there are so many types of leadership.

Traditionally leaders are people that we hold on a pedestal and then when we think about our-selves as leaders, we think that we have to be like that. But some of the best leaders that I have come across, people that I admire, are just people that are unashamedly themselves.

And so, part of this is recognising and accepting who you really are.

So, for me, leadership is something that does apply to everybody. I run a TRUE Leaders Community online; it is not for people in leadership positions, it’s for people who want to lead their lives in a way that feels right for them.

Often when there is a leadership opportunity, at that point the imposter will up its game and ask things like, “Are you sure you’re the person for this? The person who was here before was amazing. You can’t live up to their expectations.”

It will never be satisfied with just things being as they are.

Is it worse for some people?

JW – My perception is that the imposter is always the same. The difference is how strong we feel. I’ll explain this more at the conference session, but it boils down to the view that the imposter is not you. It might be in your head, it might be giving you messages, it might be giving you feelings, but it’s not you. So, when you say “I keep holding myself back”, you’re not holding yourself back be-cause you would never choose to do that – and that’s why there’s conflict sometimes.

The imposter is always the same, the difference is that there will be certain circumstances or situations in our life where we feel it more than others. The difference is how strong we are in combating it and perhaps whatever other thing is going on in our life is causing us to feel not quite as resourceful, and then the imposter will feel stronger.

But people are becoming more aware. In the past, you’d get on with things and go “it’s a shame I didn’t put myself forward for that”. Now it’s a little bit more culturally and socially acceptable to talk about this stuff.

Talking about things like this is becoming more mainstream. And the more we can do that the stronger we can get as individuals and as a society. I imagine that one day we’ll have kids at school who have these skills. It would be amazing if we could help each other to build our resilience and develop our tools for dealing with life at a much earlier stage.

Book your place here.  .